Shabbat Parashas Vayeishev - 5786

Shabbat Parashas Vayeishev - 5786

Rabbi Hal Miller

  Then Yehudah said to Tamar his daughter-in-law, "Remain a widow in your father's

  house until my son Shelah grows up" for he said "Lest he also die like his brothers."

  So Tamar went and lived in her father's house. [Bereishit 38:11]

Why did Yehudah push Tamar aside? Our verse gives a reason, "Lest he also die like his brothers", but is that his only thinking?

Rashi writes, "he would push her away with a straw for he did not intend that have her marry Shelah".  What does "push her away with a straw" mean, and did Yehudah actually intend here that he would never let Tamar marry Shelah? Rashi answers the second part from the phrase "lest he also die like his brothers", saying "it has been established about this one that her husbands will die", citing Yevamot [64b] and Radak concurs. According to this, Rashi understands that "lest he also die like his brothers" is not Yehudah's reason, rather Yehudah wanted to permanently bar Tamar from marrying Shelah based on the concept in the Gemara that a woman whose husbands die is considered a katlonit, a woman who kills her husbands. Abarbanel agrees that Yehudah lied to Tamar and had no intention of allowing the marriage. But not everyone agrees with that.

Ramban asks why Yehudah, leader of the nation, would be so afraid to face down Tamar that he would lie and deceive, giving her hope that someday he would relent when he had no intention of ever doing so. If she was forbidden to Shelah as under the Yevamot ruling, then she was forbidden and Yehudah should have made that clear. Ramban then explains that Yehudah knew his elder sons had sinned and that their deaths were not due to anything wrong with Tamar, thus the Yevamot rule didn't apply. After proving that the elder sons had both been under 13 at the times of their deaths and that Shelah was currently under 10, Ramban claims that Yehudah was serious about allowing the marriage once Shelah grew up, but Tamar chose not to wait. Thus while Rashi said Yehudah's intent was permanent, Ramban says it was temporary.

Sforno agrees with Ramban that the deaths of Er and Onan was their fault, not Tamar's. He explains that Yehudah was worried that Shelah would sin as well because of her beauty, and he would become liable to death for his own sin.

The Brisker Rav asks why Yehudah would think that Shelah would be safer after growing up so as to avoid dying like his brothers. Knowing the law of the katlonit, Yehudah would have wanted a permanent preventing of Tamar marrying his son. Yehudah knew, though, that yibum (the marriage to the dead brother's widow) was a mitzvah, and that one pursuing a mitzvah gains protection from heaven. Here, though, with Shelah being a minor, even if he had the physical ability, his intent is considered to be lacking to be performing a mitzvah, and he would still be liable to death. But once he attained the age of majority, his intent to do the mitzvah takes over and protects him from any impact of Tamar possibly being a katlonit. Thus the Brisker Rav agrees with Ramban that Yehudah was sincere in delaying Tamar, but not permanently preventing her marriage.

Ramban answers our question about pushing her away with a straw, that it means Yehudah was using it as a pretext because of Shelah being so young. In this case, Yehudah was not worried about Shelah copying the sin of his brothers, rather making sure Shelah would be eligible in intent to the mitzvah.

Thus, according to Yehudah, either Tamar was a katlonit and not eligible to remarry, or she was in violation of Yehudah's dictum to wait until Shelah grew up. If so, why do we consider her to be such a righteous woman? Ramban answers this for us as well that rather than delay another few years, "Tamar in her great desire to bear children from the holy seed, hurried and did this act", which teaches about the value of rushing to do a mitzvah.