Purim - 5774
For the past several years we have taken the time on Purim to review
the "halachas" of various esoteric areas of life, done as "purimshpiel".
Although this year we continue with the "halachas of" series, we will
instead cover something real-life instead of made-up. The reason becomes
evident inside.
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What is the purpose of a birthday celebration? Is it the right thing for an
observant Jew to be doing?
In secular society, each year on the anniversary of one's birth, everyone
contributes to an atmosphere akin to raising that person to an exalted place.
Gifts, calories, and often liquor flow in abundance. The celebrant assumes
an attitude of "it's all about me". But isn't that rather antithetical to
Torah? What are the rules regarding the noting of the passage of another year
in one's life?
First, what is a 'birthday'? What are we celebrating? Those of you who know
me well know that I am a literalist. Literally, a 'birthday' is the day of
one's birth. That happens once in a lifetime. In theory, once a year you
send your mother a thank-you card, and that's the end of it. Why do people
make such a fuss?
There is a tradition stemming from kabbalistic thought that on the
anniversary of one's birth, one has an enhanced communication channel to
the Throne of Glory. If one uses that channel for enhanced prayer, it is
said that G-d will hear it more clearly, thus this anniversary is a prime
time for a person to pray, in particular for health and parnossah. But ... not
for himself, rather for his family and friends. It is a day for one to give
to others, be it a blessing or merely a gift. It would seem that the secular
world managed to get this backward.
So what should a Jew do to mark this anniversary? Other, that is, than sending
the thank-you card to Mom?
The Talmud Yerushalmi [Rosh Hashanah 3:8] discusses how in the fight with
Amalek, the Jews put their birthday celebrants on the front line, in the
belief that they had an extra measure of mazal on that day. It would be easy
to translate 'mazal' as 'luck', but we know there is no such thing. If we
view the word as meaning 'spiritual strength', this Gemora then supports the
"channel for enhanced prayer" idea.
But another Gemora [Eruvin 13b] tells about the debate between the schools of
Hillel and Shammai as to whether man would have been better off never having
been born. The conclusion is that yes, man would have been better off having
NOT come into this world, thus one must ask why we celebrate the anniversary
of something that is not a positive thing.
A third Gemora [Avoda Zara 5a] tells us that we are required to have gratitude
to our forefathers. To do so requires our being born, and thus one who is
Torah-observant and wants to do this mitzvah is better off having been born.
In such a case, celebrating a birthday makes sense, as it is an opportunity
to thank G-d for enabling us to perform this mitzvah (and others.) Of course,
one who is not Torah-observant does not have this reason, thus still falls in
the "better off not having been born" camp.
In any event, we're here. Should we mark birthdays? Which ones? How?
Age boundaries exist in many places in the Torah. Those who go out to fight
are twenty to fifty. Those Leviim who sing in the Temple are also in that
range. A boy takes on the mantle of mitzvos at thirteen, a girl at twelve.
There are also other special dates: fifty years old and every ten years after
that, among others.
A baraisa tells us [Moed Katan 28a], "If one died at age fifty years, that is
the death of Kareis. If at fifty-two years, that is the death of Samuel the
Ramathite. If at sixty years, that is death at the hands of Heaven." Further
we see that seventy is 'old age' and eighty is 'with strength' [Tehillim
90:10]. There are many stories of famous rebbeim celebrating each of these
anniversaries, and even ruling in some cases that it is a requirement. How
did they celebrate? Some say shehecheyanu. Others give gifts to their friends.
Still others make a feast.
Why celebrate these numbers in particular? On the negative side, Kareis is
the 'cutting off' of a person's soul from the Congregation of Israel and from
eternity in the Divine Presence. It is a punishment reserved for the worst of
the anti-Torah crimes. Death at the hand of Heaven is probably second on that
list. But these only apply to people of certain ages, old enough to know
better, and not too old that they are no longer to be considered liable to
such punishments. One might speculate about why the elderly are exempt, but
we'll leave that off for now.
Rabbah in Moed Katan holds the position that if one dies between fifty and
sixty, that is Kareis. The Kaf Ha'Chayim writes that upon reaching one's
sixtieth birthday, he should recite shehecheyanu on a new fruit and have in
mind to thank G-d that he was saved from Kareis. Whenever the Terumas
HaDeshen would make a siyum, he would invite men who had reached their
sixtieth birthday in order to enable them to fulfill their obligation to
give thanks for reaching the age of sixty.
Moshe Rabbeinu lived exactly 120 years. We are supposed to work toward
raising ourselves to his exalted level of service to G-d, which we interpret
as including the ideal life in this world being 120 years. Thus, sixty means
one has made the halfway point. A new definition of middle-aged.
In short, most poskim seem to think that it is allowable to celebrate a
birthday, although 'ostentatious' would not be appropriate for many reasons.
It should be a time for giving--not TO the birthday celebrant, but FROM the
celebrant to his family and friends. It should be a time for the 'birthday
person' to reflect on where they are, and what changes they should consider
to improve themselves in the future. In the 1960s a comedian named Tom Lehrer
said on his thirty-eighth birthday, "It is disconcerting to me to note that
when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for three years!" What have we
accomplished thus far in our lives? How much more time do we have to
accomplish our purpose here in this world? This we do not know, thus we must
put forth every energy toward self-improvement while we can.
The anniversary of one's birth is a good time to reflect, not just on how
far there is yet to go, but also on how far one has come. For the progress
made, one can celebrate. For the amount yet to go, one must redouble effort.
I was born on Purim. I am now sixty. I spent the last four years learning the entire Mishnayos, and am now making a siyum. Please excuse me, I have things I need to learn. A happy birthday to all of you!
Purim Sameach.